I'm Ok, You're Ok

Transactional analysis delineates three ego-states (parent, adult and child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the not ok feelings of a defenseless child wholly dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves which very significantly determines how we feel about ourselves, particularly in relation to other people. And for a huge portion of the population, that position is that Im Not OK-Youre OK. This negative Life Position, shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational adult potential, leaving us vulnerable to the inappropriate, emotional reactions of our child and the uncritically learned behavior programmed into our parent. By exploring the four basic "life positions," we can radically change our lives.Harris proposes four life positions from which we may operate. (1) "Im not OK - Youre OK" (comes from childhood when we feel powerless);(2) "Im not OK - Youre not OK" (if we have been abandoned and have learned not to rely on others);(3) "Im OK - Youre not OK" (when the first years of life have been so brutal that to survive we have become excessively self-reliant);(4) "Im OK - Youre OK" (the position we need to move into). For Harris, being OK in ourselves and with others is the way of happiness and personal satisfaction, within and without in our personal relationships.